Example 1: I audited my own homepage
This one is real. It is the Sphota Copy homepage, and each “before” is what the page said until this edit. The audit found six problems. Here they are, with the fixes now on the site.
1. The first sentence used words my visitors don’t know
“Sphota Copy is an independent conversion copywriting studio for businesses worldwide.”
“Sphota Copy rewrites the words on your website, ads and emails so more visitors get in touch.”
A business owner who has never hired a writer doesn’t search for “conversion copywriting”. They want more enquiries. The new line says what I do and what they get, in words they already use.
2. Ads were missing
Services listed: audit, landing page, emails, full-site audit, founder content.
“Ad copy: the words of your Google, Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn ads: the headline, the text and the button.”
Weak ads are often the first problem an owner feels. If the page never mentions ads, a visitor assumes I don’t write them.
3. The page opened with a fact, not the reader’s problem
“People don’t read. They scan.”
“Ads ignored. Few enquiries. Money spent, nothing back.”
Readers keep reading when the first words describe their own week. The research numbers still follow, and now they explain a problem the reader already feels.
4. Trade words with no explanation
“One button above the fold.” “A written teardown.”
“One clear button, no scrolling needed.” “A written review.” Landing page and email series now carry a short plain definition the first time they appear.
“Above the fold” is a newspaper term. Every word a reader has to decode makes the page feel as if it is for someone else.
5. The process stopped one step too early
Three steps: you send the page, I reply, you get the audit.
Four steps. The new one: “You decide what’s next. A fixed price in writing before I start. No retainer. A full refund if the first draft isn’t right.”
A nervous buyer’s next question is “what happens after the free part?” Answering it removes a reason to wait.
6. Proof: what I can show, and what I won’t invent
Rewrite examples for made-up businesses, labelled as made-up.
The same labels, plus this page, plus a list of things a visitor can check today: a free first audit, a fixed price in writing, a 2-day reply and a full refund.
Invented praise costs more trust than it earns, so client quotes stay off the site until real clients confirm them. When real results exist, they go on this page.
Example 2: a Facebook ad for a family dental clinic
The clinic is made up, written to show the method. In a real job, the clinic’s own facts replace the invented ones, such as the real booking time.
Smile Bright Dental offers quality dental care for the whole family. Our friendly team is here for you. Book your appointment today!
Learn morePick a time that fits around school and work. Same dentist every visit, so the kids stop dreading it. Book online or call.
Book my check-up- “Quality” and “friendly” could be said by any clinic. A real time (“two minutes”) and a real worry (kids dreading visits) can only belong to this one.
- The text names the reader’s actual limit: a busy week of school and work.
- The button says what happens. “Learn more” asks for nothing. “Book my check-up” asks for one thing.
Example 3: three headlines, one line each
Also made-up businesses. Use a line like these only if it is true for the business, such as the delivery time.
“Welcome to Dave’s Plumbing Services.”
“Burst pipe? A plumber at your door within the hour.”
Names the emergency and promises one specific thing.
“Freshly baked goodness, made with love.”
“Order by 6 pm. Collect warm bread at 8 am.”
Tells the customer what to do and when it arrives.
“Transform your mind and body.”
“Your first class is free. Come as you are, mats provided.”
Removes the fear a first-timer has before walking in.
The six questions I ask of every page
- Who is this for, and can they tell within three seconds?
- What do they get? Name the outcome, not the feature.
- Could a competitor say the same sentence? If yes, rewrite it.
- Can the reader picture it? A specific scene beats a general claim.
- What is the one next step, and does the button say what happens?
- What proof is on the page, and is every piece of it real?